[WP] Your mission is to write the worst (or best, depending on your view) Mary Sue character possible. How badly can you make us cringe?

tried to emulate the style of my immortal kinda :D

Abnerboobs was a beautiful young lady of 18 years. at 7 feet tall, she was somewhat shorter than most of her classmates. her hair was half deep raven black and half sprackly shimmry golden locks . with stripes of angry red from the accident. All the gurls were jealous of her. Actually, there were multiple accidents. when she was one year old, her parents died. at three, she lost all of her memories in a time warp. when she was four years old, she broke her tooth and was also kidnapped (by the dark lord). at five, she learned to speak wolf and trained in combat and won the fifa world cup. then a bus ran her over. at seven, her parents died again, leaving her to her grandmother, who also died. at eight, she learned to fly and do magic. she was also run over by a bus. the bus was driven by her parents, who tragically died in the accident. (while she held them in her arms). at eleven, amboobler was cursed by one of her evil bullies (a girl who was jealous of how she was half horse also i frogot to mention that) to be hit by buses for the rest of her life. at thirteen, she was chased out of a five guys by a troupe of 4th graders on a field trip (to five guys). at fifteen, she was hit by a bus. then they experimented on her and found out she was half angel, half devel, and half vampiyer. then she killed her boyfriend by sucking on his blood accidentally and the guilt still haunts her. then her dead boyfriend hit her parents with a bus. then she died in a fire. then her fairy god uncle kidnapped her and told her about the prophecy of the dark lord, and then they were both hit by a bus.

/r/WritingPrompts Thread