[WP] Your subconscious and your conscious swap around at random.

Another not quite fiction --

There are days when I wake up. I get out of bed, I walk to the sink, wash whatever I'm staring at in the mirror, and think about shaving. The dull burn never goes away. I can't feel the cool air in the room, I can't smell sea, less than two miles away. All is metal, a dull ache. Even the flowers. I begrudgingly think about the razor and the pain that never goes away, and begin to shave. Again. I don't want to be the bear that wandered into town looking for food. Bears get shot.

There are days where I don't wake up. I get out of bed, wash that thing in the mirror, and shave. I filter some water, boil it, and drink my first cup of coffee minutes later. I sit down at the computer, and go back to searching for apartments -- it has been over six months, but my next apartment is only a few clicks and a generic email away.

Hours have passed. I am sitting at my computer, staring at a me that doesn't exist. I'm playing a videogame, telling myself I'm keeping active. I'm trying not to think about how much of a scumbag I am, I'm looking for work and apartments, after all. I was a pianist. I was abused. The list goes on.

"I hate my mom. I should write an email--"

Another hour has passed. I've done nothing.

It's already six or seven in the evening. It should be dark. I'm sure it's dark, but it isn't. Something in me wants to watch the television, and while I don't, I turn it on. I stare at the screen and pretend to like a show because hey, all people clearly enjoy watching television.

I'm living a child's dream: I'm playing videogames, watching television, and not working. Something within me is trying to pretend it's happy, the same something that often controls me from minute actions and reflexes while driving to a much larger level. On the outside, I can be a polite, proper person.

From the inside, all I see in that mirror is a parrot. Every time I shave, its feathers go back to looking properly fluffed.

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