Sooo, I've never tried writing prompts before, so this is probably going to be a bit meh but I hope someone enjoys!
“Ha! Told ya you were wrong Steve!” Jerry joked, which was the 806th time he’d used that exact phrase. “Bet you feel reeeeally silly”
“I swear to god Jerry, if we weren’t dead already I’d murder y..”
“Swear to god? Ooooh isn’t that Ironic!” Jerry butted in. I hate Jerry. Hate. Him.
I don’t usually give a damn what anyone believes in, to each their own. But I’m a man of science and I’ve never taken solace in some sort of omnipotent being, never believed one bit. Well, until last Thursday at least. I was on my way to give a lecture, usual day, grab a coffee, run in and grumble my way through the early morning hours until I could focus on my research. This day however, while crossing the road, some asshole ran the light. Crazy, drunk, who knows? I wasn’t paying too much attention since I was, y’know, dead.
Against my better judgement and sounding cliché, I saw a light. A bloody light at the end of a bloody tunnel. How original. Next thing I knew I was in a waiting room, for a second I thought it might’ve been a terrible dream and just woken up confused, albeit somewhere entirely unfamiliar. I could hear two people arguing coming closer to the room, curiously I had awaited their approach.
“…Hey he didn’t believe in you! I should get to take him! Could get a good laugh outta this one, the atheists all start praying for you one I get a hold of ‘em!” One of them had jokingly argued as they barged into the room.
“Now now, he hasn’t actually done anything that heinous to end up with you”
“Yeah but he doesn’t believe in you, so he should come with me!”
“You’re being pushy. We’ve talked about this before, Lucy”
“Like Hell I am! And how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that! I want his soul!”
“Erm Hello?” I managed to inject myself into the conversation, cringing a little at how timid I had sounded.
“Oh yeah, he’s actually here” ‘Lucy’ joked “Boy oh boy have I got a looong fun activity packed eternity planned for you!”
“For the last time you’re not getting him”
“Like Hell I’m n..”
“ What the hell are you two on about? Getting me? No one gets to get me! I want to speak with whoever’s in charge of you two, where am I? The Hospital? I remember getting hit by a car, I demand you tell me!” I snarled in an angry, yet authoritative tone, I suppose some ways of speaking carry over from lecturing.
“Woah there! Calm down, I’m sorry to tell you this, but.. you’re dead. This is Limbo”
“Oh ha ha, what a load of bull, I know none of that is real, and even if it was, do you really think I’d believe that Limbo looks like a doctor’s waiting room?”
“Budget cuts..” Lucy butted in
“I’m sorry but it’s true, you died in a traffic accident”
“Accident? That wasn’t an ‘accident’! The speed that guy hit me at I could have d..” It was then it hit me, I finally remembered the accident vividly, the searing pain, my bones crumbling, shrieks and screams, and finally the cacophony of sirens as my last breath had wheezed from my broken chest.
“Fuck..”
“See nooow he gets it” Lucy said
“Don’t be rude, Lucifer.” The calm one sighed
“Lu…Lucifer? The Devil? Oh come on I might not have believed in you, but surely that’s not enough to go with him!” I pleaded
“No I suppose it’s not, but your lack of a shred of faith does make it a little hard to figure out your place in the afterlife” He exclaimed.
“Oh! Oh! Me! Me! I have a reaaaaaaally good idea!” Lucifer cackled, then began whispering into his ear, stopping to giggle every so often.
The one that by now I’d assumed must be god, or Jesus, or some holy poltergeist, let out a bellowing laugh.
“You know what Lucy, that’s a good idea, let’s put him there.”