"Donald Trump is the best president ever," I typed with a devilish grin, strawberry flavored vapor pouring out from between my teeth. "Only lazy people and thugs and terrorists do not like him, which is why they tried to rig the election."
Without warning, an awful sensation in my lungs sent me into a violent coughing fit. Was it empty already? Had I burned the wick? I had better check on the vaporizer, I thought to myself, These assholes can wait. There is nothing worse than a burnt wick.
I lowered the phone to do just that, and from the space it had occupied, eight dull, beady red eyes stared motionlessly toward me.
Uhhh
I was torn out of my stupified trance by a voice, high and raspy. "Demon. We require the assistance. What are the demon's terms?"
Startled, my head and eyes jerked left and right in tandem, scanning the area for some clue as to what was happening. Finding nothing of immediate interest, my focus snapped back to the creature before me--a large, silver serpent with a set of humanoid arms complete with hands, and a head resembling that of a spider.
"What are its terms?", the beast hissed again, impatiently. "The demon will not have the eggs or the Sz'rata, I warn!"
"I uhm," I said nervously as I checked behind me, finding nothing but a large, ornately carved, ivory wall. "My terms?" The pounding in my chest and temples was making it difficult to think.
"It will bring the pegasus flocks, and they will be delicious. What does the demon want? It may not have the eggs!" The creature's jaws quivered anxiously. "Or must we eat the demon? Does the demon offer its flesh?"
Overwhelmed and having forgotten about the potentially burnt wick, I reached into my pocket to grab the vaporizer. Pressing it to my lips, I pushed the button, and waves of clean, warm, strawberry goodness washed over my tongue on the way to my lungs. In response, the creature twitched nervously, its dead eyes giving no indication of its thoughts. Its mandibles opened as if to speak, and I let out a steady stream of vapor from my nostrils.
The beast recoiled instinctively, settling about 20 feet away. "It will not have the eggs! It is a mistake! We must send it back!" The fear was evident in its voice, the first time I was able to discern any particular emotion with certainty.
"Wait," I offered, growing more confident. "What do you want from me?" In retrospect, I should have let them send me home right then and there, but my curiosity had been piqued. "I do not want the eggs."
The creature relaxed visibly, and it began cautiously slithering toward me. "The demon will bring the flocks. The webs are made! They are strong, and we are hungry!" The ground sizzled as acidic drool dripped from its jaws onto a hard, polished rubbery floor. "It will drive the pegasus to us as it drives flocks in the web of hell!" It was all stated very matter-of-factly.
Drives flocks? The web of hell? I was thoroughly confused. Is it talking about the internet? ...trolling? Momentarily forgetting how bizarre the situation was, I chuckled to myself.
"What do I get out of it," I asked. Surely, my trolling skills would not herd flocks of magical flying horses, but how could I not ask?
Sorry guys, it is late, it is tough to type on a phone, and I have not attempted to write any sort of story in at least a decade. That's it for tonight.