3. [WP] You're lonely, so you jokingly say, "If any mythical beings wanna go out on...

[WP] You're lonely, so you jokingly say, "If any mythical beings wanna go out on a date with me, let me know!" Suddenly, someone appears out of thin air. "Hello."

‘Argh!!!’ He let a yell as he bundled over the top of the couch backwards.

‘Okay, Derek? Don’t panic- I guess I should have been a bit more subtle.’ She replied sweetly. ‘Are you okay?’ She enquired. ‘What the hell are you?!’ He retorted, his voice visibly shaking as he cowered behind the couch. His brain was rattled as he tried desperately to comprehend what he had just seen. ‘You said: “If any mythical beings want to go on a date, let you know…” right? well…I’m letting you know (!)’ She added meekly, trying not to appear too girly and over excited but failing on both fronts. ‘But-‘  He answered back but with nothing else to add as his brain was still trying to reboot itself from the initial scare. ‘I’m sorry, I should have planned this better, I know-  but hey, when you said what you said, I knew I had to act- this was a once in a life time opportunity and I just couldn’t pass it up!’ She giggled her girlish giggle again. ‘Huh.’ He replied, this time more assured, his brain was finally working again but not fully as the only word that he could think of was

“Bulbous”

But why? He poked his head out from behind the couch and snuck a peak at her smiling “face” and suddenly the word “bulbous” made sense. Bravely, he rose up from the safety of behind the sofa and looked at the…woman? Could he call her that? Her voice sounded feminine enough, in fact you could argue it sounded beautiful but uhh…that was pretty much the only thing of her you could call beautiful.

‘What are you?’ He asked barely audible. Fully aware the usual question is “Who are you?” ‘Oh,’ She giggled again, my name would be quite hard to pronounce for you but it roughly translate as Something…Twenty Something in your language and I’m a Swamp Troll.' ‘A Swam… Jesus.’ He blasphemed as he sat down unable to comprehend and hide his revulsion towards what was happening. His brain was no longer broken, he concluded that much, it was just the rest of the world that was broken and he was slowly beginning to understand it, for a start, the word “Bulbous” that had been swimming in his head earlier finally had context or at the very least one of two. Was it referring to “her” nose or the wart on her nose? He could not be sure. ‘Okay- ‘ Twenty said, trying her best to keep the positivity going. ‘I realise this is a lot to take in, I mean, you ask for a date and hey- what?! Here I am- ha! How weird is that right? Not to mention the implications I mean what ?! I mean- Trolls exist, Orcs exist, Dwarves, Pixies, Elves-‘  ‘Elves exist?’ He interjected automatically.

His ears pricked up at the mention of Elves, Twenty had been worried about this but chose not to show she was.

‘Yeah…I mean you know my roommate Leith, she’s an Elf and you know how they are right? she brings a new Nymph home every day and I’m like “Leith- I can’t keep up with your perverted gallivanting, stop it!’ She laughed hard at her own joke more out of nerves than humour. ‘I mean…she’s a whore you know, our front door is like a runway for catalogue models, she’s cool but kinda shallow but whatever.’ ‘Lesbian Elves and Nymphs huh?’ Derek thought pensively, his mind wandering for a second. ‘Wait- How did you get into my house?!’

Derek’s mind finally came back to reality.

‘Your house?’ Twenty snapped back, furrowing her brows in confusion. ‘Technically it’s mine. Well, really, we both live here.’ ‘Huh?’ Derek replied clearly not following Twenty’s words. ‘Okay, remember Lord of the Rings?’ Twenty said patiently. ‘Yeah?’ ‘Well, My Grandpa says all of that was based on a true story, years after that, peace kinda fell over the land, Trolls, Orcs and Elves and all of them all became friends… except Humans…Humans didn’t like the Trolls and Orcs and kept threatening war so the united counsel chose to kick them out entirely out of the realm and into this dimension…I never understood why.

‘Okay…’Derek replied, his mind still mostly on the Nymphs. ‘So…’ Twenty smiled brightly. ‘You up for that date? You know, I’ve been able to see into your world for quite some time and it’s totally weird how you and I live together but aren’t even aware of each other.’ ‘Wait! You can see me when I’m at home?’ Derek snapped. ‘Yeah, it’s not a big deal.’ ‘Did you see me yesterday when I…?’ ‘When you…OH- Oh my God- YES- I mean NO- I mean…maybe…’ Twenty trailed off innocently. ‘I mean, if you are into that it’s cool, I can totally see why you’d be into that, I won’t judge. ‘Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.’ Derek shuddered violently feeling somewhat violated. ‘Okay- no. Derek replied as a definite end to the conversation. ‘No- what?’ Twenty replied, unsure which part of the script he was reading from. ‘No, this is not happening, NO I am not talking to you and No I am not going on a date with you!’ Derek yelled angrily, his blood beginning to boil. ‘I…what?’ It took a second for Twenty to reel back from the metaphoric gut punch but she managed to compose herself. ‘Why the hell would I go out with you?! Have you looked at you?! You are disgusting, you are ugly, you are monstrous, you are fat,  you are short- you are a god damn monster! You are fat, you are scaly, even your nose…has a nose! Do you realise how weird- how- unnatural that is?! Why the hell would I go out with you?!’ ‘You asked that already (!)’ Twenty replied quietly, unable to hide the hurt she was feeling. ‘Oh? I have? Well here’s something I haven’t said before.’ Derek snarled. ‘I have seen aborted diseased foetuses that are way more attractive that you and I would never sully myself by going anywhere near anything as vile as you, now get lost.’ ‘Okay…’Twenty nodded, unable to fight back the tears. ‘I’ve always wondered why Humans were kicked out of our Realm…now I know why…you’ve always wondered why no one wants to date you…I guess now we know why.’ With that she disappeared back to where she came.

 

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