Writing help?

I have no idea how to send pictures, but this is what I wrote so far!

"I’m not exactly sure if there was a specific point in my life where I lost that reassurance of forever, a timeless existence. The feeling that I was almost but eternal, and the world was my oyster. But as I stood there in shock following the dreaded words that had escaped from my father’s lips, sparring dear mom from having to recall the recent events again, it felt pretty close. Like I was at the cliff's edge, the very ability to compose myself was hanging by a single thread. “Murphy went up to heaven last night honey...” Those words shook me to my core, as if my very being had ceased to exist at that moment. I can’t ever help but ponder, what did I say in response? What would possibly be appropriate to say when a beloved member of the family, a vital pillar in our structure had passed? So there I stood. Rooted to my place. Stomach twisting and turning, and I could all but stand there completely unresponsive. I must be stupid."

/r/writing Thread Parent