I have to say first that I'm terribly impressed by you.

What got to me, though, was the part about losing your mom.

I started dating a guy in 2013 who was living in the US for 6 months. He had US citizenship but had lived his whole life in Europe. He moved back to his country, and we did a year of long distance. In that time I gained about 30 pounds, from being depressed and dealing with my suddenly sick father. He moved back and my dad died 2 weeks later. I was crushed. He was terribly unsupportive and I really felt like I couldn't grieve. I didn't recognize that at the time I guess, but looking back it seems like what was going on. After 2 months he told me he didn't love me anymore. Shortly before this I had felt like I was coming out of my grieving period finally. I knew I'd been in a bad place but most of the problem was just me being vacant, it wasn't like I was screaming at him all day long. I did everything I could to straighten myself out, but it was out of the frying pan and into the fire.

He broke up with me 2 months after that. He hadn't ever vented any of his frustration with me and I think he just grew to loathe me. I've been really beating myself up over it these last few weeks, wondering if I am just some kind of monster, or that if being in a bad place for 2 months was too much to ask for. Seeing you put a timeline on your grieving was really helpful. Whenever I read about growing, everyone is quick to say "time varies for different people" but I still wondered if I had taken too long. in many ways I'm still grieving, even 6 months after his death. But I'm relieved to know there are other people like me who don't just bounce back right away.