[X/relationship_advise]: I [26/f] am lost. Not sure how to help [27/m] Asian partner -- mother recently diagnosed with cancer and trying to force him to go to China and drop his life here in the U.S.

I'm American born Chinese dating a white man and can understand the struggle. You can't do anything if your boyfriend can't do anything for himself.

I started dating him my mother was initially upset with me that I wasn't dating another Chinese person. She believes that only another Chinese person could understand our dynamics and fit into our family.

I also realized that my boyfriend didn't quite understand the nuances of the culture I was born into. When my mother wouldn't let me stay over at his place and I had to leave, my boyfriend kept saying things along the lines of "I don't understand, you're an adult now, your mother can't force you to do things." I wasn't being forced to do anything. To me, listening to my mother is extremely important and anything otherwise would be disrespectful. It is also not unusual for Asian children to stay with their parents until they are married. Having family be together is a high priority.

How I fixed my problem: I talked to my mother. I told my mother that she did not raise a stupid child and that I could think for myself. She still is disappointed that my boyfriend isn't Chinese but she knows I love him. I know it's not as extreme as your partner's parents seem to be, however, if he doesn't stick up for himself the problem is never going to be fixed.

Side anecdote My boyfriend's brother had recently started dating a Chinese girl from the mainland and things were going smoothly until her parents came to visit her in America. The found out she had been dating a white man and told her to break it off so that she could marry a Chinese man. She didn't want to but couldn't say no to her parents and they broke up.

/r/relationships Thread