Hello,
It sucks so fucking bad not have that person in your arms you planned your entire future with, someone you once adored and felt transparent and safe and open with is not cold towards you and is going to be celebrating these holidays with others, but that should not stop from taking your emotions into account.
You.
Your emotions.
Don’t be alone in these holidays, don’t overwhelm yourself with the emotions you know you’ll feel if you’re alone too long or at home too long.
She was my best friend, and I felt I didn’t need anyone else AT ALL.
Turns out now I do, and a few friends I didn’t quite think I’d come to like, I actually love hanging out with, whether it’s online playing games or in the library at Uni.
You got this! You’re strong! Your heart had the strength to let someone in and open up to them and make you feel things you didn’t know you could, imagine what it can do for the body and soul it beats for?
Don’t fall weak, you hate your job? Begin applying to other jobs maybe? Or try talking to your manager or supervisor? People are full of surprises and many are kind people.
Gym seems like a healthy way to deal with physical stress, I suggest you find a gym buddy to take, perhaps take the same friend for a dinner during this Christmas?
Perhaps meet family?
My ex’s sister helped me a lot during the first week of the breakup and still is atm, but she said something that I knew maybe but didn’t quite apply it with every conversation I had venting about my relationship.
“I’ll support you but these are only words, you have to do what’s good for you, even if it’s forcing and cursing yourself to get up early in the morning to go university or go gym, whatever it is, it’ll take effort. It’s like anything worth having, you’ll have to work hard to get it”
And I believe you and I are looking for that calm of feeling anxiety-free and letting go off emotions attached to them, and emotions in memories attached to them.
Everyone I’ve talked to said “it takes time” and my dumbass thought they mean it takes “time”, what is “time”? One week? Two weeks? One month?
No.
It’ll take time. It’s an uneven process.
But don’t be alone. You don’t deserve to be alone in these festive spirits or in life.
Be strong!