Hi there, I can sense your pain in this post. It hurts very much when someone we deeply care about and are connected to disappears from our lives. It’s happened to me once as well. I really get what you mean when you say you seem to reconnect with everyone at some point, but not this one person.

Something one therapist said to me that really helped was to “wait and see.” This is actually a Buddhist mantra I was familiar with but had never taken to heart, and essentially what it means is that life is mysterious, out of our control, and we cannot foresee the future. It used to make me feel better to remind myself that I don’t know what tomorrow holds, or if this person is gone forever. I, like you, tried to use evidence of them being gone forever, was tortured by not having closure, by not understanding why they couldn’t just speak to me about the issue they had (and it was a similar problem where they had one, just couldn’t bring themselves to tell me). But this evidence and rumination just served to bring me more pain, not more control, or understanding.

Another thing that helped was to remind myself that the worst case scenario — that they were gone forever, or hated me, or that this somehow all reflected on me and my self worth — was not the only option, though I was obsessed with it.

You seem to be asking a lot of questions that are not possible to answer without seeing this person and asking them to explain. But your friend, for whatever reason, isn’t able to right now. But if you wait and see, and in the meantime consider that she just isn’t ready right now, then you may find peace one way or another.