My heart hurts for you.
Words of wisdom? Don’t give up. It sounds like if you had made this match at a different time, you may have been on to something.
I really hope this doesn’t stretch over the boundary of “advice” I just picked up on something from the T’s reply that became really important to me finding the “right” one.
That T mentioned the time needed outside of sessions she didn’t feel she could commit to. And although I’ve never been someone communicating with a T outside sessions, it’s still relevant to how I found my “match”.
I sort of realized I’ll never find one who can meet my needs. Similar to a lot of the reasons you expressed, it’s just damn complicated. So I got three different therapists. Not sure if that would even be a possibility?