Wow man. Sometimes there's a post that so perfectly describes your life. I've been living on my own for a year and 2 months now. Just alone in my apartment (mostly). I was dating a girl for a year and a half but she broke up with because I was very emotionally distant and always afraid to express my feelings for fear of ridicule. She eventually just developed feelings for another man and left.

I've tried to kill myself twice since then. That was kind of the catalyst for everything. I have friends and stuff through work and sometimes I go to concerts but God damn it do I just want it all to stop. I live my life in a whirlwind it feels. One million thoughts all firing at once and there's never enough time to do anything. I work close to 7 days a week and I Still can't make ends meet. I lie to my therapist and psychiatrist about how im doing so I don't get made fun of or told to man up. I pretty much lie to everyone about how im doing. I just want to kill myself all the time.

And I'm ashamed too that I've tried twice and failed. Even I want to kill myself I can't. No would really care if i told them all this anyways. Atleast I don't think they would. I'm such a broken man.