You know what, I would like my catharsis.

This is only half of a story. I never once told you I would never love you because of your scars, on the contrary I was being stopped from seeing you in hospital by your mum on most occasions. I loved you unconditionally, and I put a lot of my own identity and development on hold to look after you, while you were almost always ill. No other man would do that at the age of 16. I was almost forced to do so by your dad in my eyes, because I was a kid who made a promise that I would look after you, and despite how hard you made that for me, I still tried my hardest. You were a ridiculously big responsibility for a tenager. I sat through god knows how many infections, god knows how many hopsital visits, god knows how many surgeries, god knows how many late nights spent awake with you while you were in pain. Despite this, I was not allowed to visit you because she wouldn't let me, despite my fighting to. Life is a learning process, and you know you're to blame for some of the way I behaved. You were also a gaslighter, saying I did things I didn't do, and bringing up events from years earlier to get back at me, which is also a form of emotional abuse. We were both as bad as eachother as kids. I would have done almost anything for you and you know it, and I never once received any support in return.

In any case, the way you acted (which was incredibly non-chalant to me even being with you, right from day one), coupled with your own emotional abandonment issues, served to fuck things up even further. We were both broken, unhappy and lonely people brought together precisely because of these distinctions. We were both young people. We both made stupid mistakes off the back of how we were taught to treat people. I was raised by an aggressive and authoritarian asshole who I could never please who frequently punched and kicked me around the room because of an illness he wouldn't have treated because it would embarass him, having a faulty son. You were raised by a mother who never bothered to spend time with you and who you were not emotionally close to. I at least tried to fix your relationship with your mum before I was unceremoniously dumped for falling for a girl who could actually care for me as a person.

We both hopefully learned something from our time together, and thats how to treat other human beings, or whether we want to continue bothering with them at all. You got your constant supply of attention you crave, which I'm very happy for. At least you filled your hole. I, on the other hand, frequently find myself lying in bed in a dark room with a knife and the curtains drawn, no friends, no loved one, nothing but TV static, which I'm sure you'd be happy to hear at this point.

Regardless of what went down, and regardless of how things turned out, and regardless of what you say happened as opposed to what actually happened, you got the better end of the deal here, so I'd quit internalising this victim mentality. You're living the life you always wanted and your getting what you need from it. Be happy, you were apparently abused for so long by your MattMatt that you deserve all of your happiness.