Ok I sat and took some time to process what you have said. I did. I took my time to consider it.

I even sent him your story. Asked him to think about it. Have not heard back, he's at work obviously. What was missing. Did I not kiss like I meant it as often as I should? Did he need more thank yous for doing all the dishes and laundry? More support for working until 8pm every night and traveling each month? More more more?

The answer is, I don't know. It's hard for me to imagine needing something more than what we have had. We're young, well off, get along in every way, and have A LOT of passion. Groping in the kitchen and laughing playfully passion, experimenting in the bedroom passion, going on dinner dates and getting flushed in the face when we look at each other for too long before we HAVE to kiss across the table.

I listen to his long work stories each night, I get him a beer ready for when he comes home. I send him silly selfies and also suggestive pictures letting him know what was waiting for him at home. And I don't mean in the past. I mean all the time. Especially in the last 6 months.

Our sex life has been awesome in the last 3. He's been SO into me. Trying different things. I've been loving it. I love going down on him, always have, but he asks for it more lately and I happily go for it. It makes me think now that since he's been talking to her so often he has been hornier and thinking about her when he's with me. He said that was disgusting for me to say. He won't tell me anything.

He just.... spent more time with her. Got close. Let it happen. And wrecked my trust. I don't know. I'm full of anxiety for the first time in my life. Full of questions and lacking all self esteem. I have not eaten since Sunday when I found out. Not one thing. I can't. I just can't function.

I want to make less of a deal about this. I want to forgive and move on. I don't feel like I can do that until he tells me why. He never will. So the burning ball of barbed wire in my chest stays.