I'm sorry.

TLDR: I'm sorry I lied to you about everything, I am sorry I never confessed how I felt about your sister, and I am sorry I was so scared that you would not love me if I opened up to you about my own anxieties that I never did. I was a cunt. And if you read this I know it is pathetic but I just want to wish you well and if you can ever find it in your heart to talk to a fucking ßeta like me again, let me know.

Lauren, I never told you this - but in spite of my confidant exterior, I am really a socially anxious person. My Reputation and how my actions effect it is the first priority on my mind, it always has been, and I fear it always will.

When we met, I was in the middle of a social fallout. I was loosing friends - and reputation - fast, because I chose to defend a friend who was doing wrong by everybody fast. I was socially weak, and I needed an escape.

My friend liked a girl, your sister, so I decided to wingman him by talking to her. As it turned out we had a lot in common and we became friends. She took me under her wing and we started hanging out. She did more for me than anybody ever could, and I felt accepted after feeling for so long that I never would be.

Thats when I met you, and we became friends. We were both similar and shared mutual interests, but I took you for granted, as I had developed feelings for your sister. I felt bad for my friend so I tried to not let my feelings get in the way of common brotherhood.

You told me you were single, and a friend said I should think about us as my reputation had recently harmed by a breakup and I needed to move on anyway ... so I did, and I acted rashly and asked you out.

Things were good for a while, but exterior issues plunged both of our lives into crisis, I tried to protect my reputation, so I started acting up... doing things I shouldn't have.

I lost you because of this, and in reflection I tried to apologise; tried to make it up to you... for I had wasted so much of your time.

But the damage was done, and you wouldn't talk to me. I stayed with your friends because they had become mine; I had angered a lot of people by dating you so I tried to make amends. I tried to talk to you. I tried so hard but you wouldn't have it and we fell into ambiguity.

I felt so guilty, and I felt so guilty about practically using you, and the fact that the one girl I thought was my best friend just months ago - was now no longer talking to me at all.

You kept talking to my friends, but never to me... I kept trying, to your infuriation... but to no avail.

Then I found out that you had apparently fucked my best friend, and excuse me but it seemed believable as you spoke with him a lot and walked the other way with me. Also, the fact he claimed that it happened didn't help.

I flipped out, made a stupid Facebook post and humiliated you in front of your friends. I realised the error of my mistake when you seemed so genuine later... and that was the last time we spoke.

I know that you haven't forgiven me, and it is pathetic to use reddit to somehow make some testament to my actions, but I loved you, and I never opened up to you... and I guess if anything at all comes from this I just want us to talk again, to be friends like we used to. For you were a great friend, but we never should've tried that.