You know it was one thing to love you, another thing to lose you, but to get you back and propose to you, then fly 3000 miles back to sign a lease on our first place only to have you call the engagement off and mail the ring to my parents - not even mustering the courage to tell me in person, or even before you said yes....
I could go on. Hell, my reddit handle was literally created in your wake. Smoldering remains of a person, literally pulling himself through hell after a deluge of emotion and life begged to drag him under. I swam 2 to 3 times a day for weeks on end to quell the loss that was you. I swam to start my day, I swam to end it. Eventually I swam enough to bring myself to go through with that first triathlon that I told you I had signed up for - not even knowing if I could run, let alone bike.
God I wish you could have seen me a year later (TO THE MOTHER FUCKING DAY), where I competed another 3000 miles around the world in my first Ironman race. Or another year after that when I finally was able to move on (by the way, she is a better lay than you could possibly imagine - let alone better person).
I wish you saw what I had become after you left, not because of it, but because it is who I am. I have always begged the world for broader shoulders, not a lighter load.
Another tragedy befell me 4 months ago, it begged to take almost everything from me again. Strangely enough right before another Ironman event. Every day I get up now in pain, but its a different kind. The scars you left me, others may not see, but the scars of being hit by a car are clearly, and defiantly, visible. And just like then, mainly for therapy, mainly for myself - I am swimming to survive.
Once more, my life is hard. But each day, my shoulders get broader. I'm going back to school for another degree because there is just so much more I want in life. People say I'm doing too much, but I believe people have to low of expectations - for me or themselves I do not know.
I will get this degree in two years. I will rehabilitate my body, and be a champion again. I will compete in an Ironman again.
and I will always, always keep my promises.