Your mother is now the new president of the United States. What changes can we expect?

  • Federal budget balanced the first Sunday after the inauguration, while the rest of the country was watching football. No one has any idea how she did it.

  • Hot chocolate and diet Snapple declared national hot and cold beverages, respectively. Less publicly, strategic reserves of dark chocolate M&M's are stockpiled in secret locations around the country.

  • Overseas tours of duty for military personnel limited to 3 months. Longer than that away from home and they will get lonely. No deployments on Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, Father's Day, or within a week of that particular soldier's birthday.

  • All college students must go to a college no more than one hour's drive from home. And remember, commuting is always an option.

  • By federal law, all game show contestants must win at least something. They don't have to all be equal. But it's so sad when one of the people doesn't get anything.

  • Frequent state visits to important ally and trade partner Ireland.

  • Crocheted blankets and scarves become #1 US export.

  • Social media taxed into oblivion. There's not enough hours in the day; how do these people have time? (There are riots for one week, and then the withdrawal passes and everyone discovers they can live without it. Mark Zuckerberg gets a perfectly good job as a math teacher).

  • As an infrastructure stimulus program, unused malls are converted into libraries. Screw it, most of the active malls too. There are couches everywhere, you can just walk around, take books, and read. In the children's section, what was once a three-story Macy's, storytime for all age groups runs around the clock, from Dr. Seuss to Wrinkle in Time.

  • With their annual tax return, everyone gets a clipped-out article on why Catholicism really does make sense, even in a "scientific" age like this. But no pressure.

  • National War on Cold declared. All thermostats hard-wired to have a floor of 75 degrees, over the vehement but resigned protests of the First Gentleman. Scientific community given ten years to develop revolutionary super-mitten.

  • A video of her doing the Electric Slide at an inaugural ball goes viral. The nation had no idea that the president could dance like that. It is widely agreed to be pretty cool.

And of course...

  • All speed limits lowered by 10-20 mph. In a nationally televised address, drivers are sternly told to leave earlier if they're in such a hurry.
/r/AskReddit Thread