Okay so I actually am a machine, created for the sole purpose of playing UHC.
My creator goes by the name of Doctor Sergio Wallowatski John Tu Pong. He's either Spanish or Chinese or some shit.
Anyway, Doctor Pong had a dream. His dream was to drop the freshest fucking memes known to mankind.
Alone however he was not enough. He needed a sexy beast of a man who could melt women's clothes with his stare. Enough brute force to cause tremors merely with his flatulence. Intelligence that would parallel his creator. The loyalty of a royal knight. The speed of Usain Bolt wearing shoes made of mini Usain fucking Bolts. And last but not least, the eyes of a fearsome bird of prey.
However, that was not going to be enough. No man and his android can take over an entire world just like that. He had to start small.
And so in September 2012, he found exactly what he was looking for. A small, humble community. They called themselves the UHC community. On the 11th that month, Crimson5M was deployed.
But the experiment was a failure. Well, apart from the stare that melts clothes. That shit's real. Anyway, as Crimson continued to play the murderous game that was UHC, he fell, and fell, and continued to fall to many fierce warriors...Dibzcraft...ShutUpBrick...Preamblee...but worst of all...The man they called TommySX.
They fought a battle, a battle that raged on for centuries. They endured everything the other threw at them. Arrow after arrow, meme after meme.
The battle received many spectators. One of them, green, and shaped like a giant willy. They called him sir creeper. He entered the field of battle, slowly advancing towards our brave young protagonist, narrowly avoiding a ""22"" meme that came hurling towards him, all the while, remaining silent.
"Yessss...just a few more stepsssss..."
An explosion shook the room. Wait no, the earth. Yeah, that sounds more badass.
An explosion shook the earth. Many people died. Probably. As the dust settled, the head of Crimson5M lay at the feet of TommySX, his expression vacant. Lifeless.
A man with a purple shirt and a German accent thrust the victor's hand into the air.
"TommySX is best PvE!!!"
And Crimson was kill.