I sit crouched over a piece of toast. The toast's warmth radiates upwards, casting a blanket of heat on my exposed asshole. It feels lovely.

A single turds slides out of my anus and lands with a soft plop onto the toast. I stand up and gaze upon my creation. I look intently at the shades of brown, green and yellow. The pieces of corn. The mysterious black spots. The turd itself was 6 inches in length, 3 inches in circumference. A healthy specimen if I've ever seen one. It was not watery, nor too hard. A perfect poop. I bend over and scoop up the piece of toast. I can truly feel the weight of my feces as it sits upon the crunchy square of honey roasted whole-wheat bread. The scent of my butt-baby perfumes the air.

I take the first bite. My teeth easily slice through the soft, gooey poo. It tastes bitter on my tongue. Before I can experience the hearty crunch of the toast layer, my dressing room door flies open. "JIMMY WE'RE ON IN FIVE" shouts my assistant. He is plump, short and Jewish.

With a disheartened sigh I place my creation back on the counter. I straighten my tie, push my hair back, and exit my room, giving my poop toast one last longing glance. "I will be back for you, my love" I whisper.

I walk down a dark corridor and see the overweight Jew again. "It's time!" he says, "Look alive!" I nod my head and step out into the light, to the sound of thunderous applause.

"WELCOME EVERYBODY" I shout "I'M JIMMY FALLON AND THIS IS THE TONIGHT SHOW". Outwardly, I display nothing but explosive joy and excitement, but inside I am an empty shell of a man. Engulfed in overwhelming sadness, with only the comfort of eating my own feces to keep my from walking into death's cold embrace