I can see that it was not your decision to be forced through church, prayer and faith. That you were brainwashed into believing things that you had not personally understood yet. And had to lose friends, community and family in making the bold step of leaving the faith.

I know I have been there.

In many ways this is an essential step. A step to cast away the false God of your childhood. Your God was never going to found through saying the right words or raising your hand in the right movement or having friends that were 'anointed' (the pastor's daughter in your case).

Religion force-fed from the outside into the insides of a man never works. Religion must flow out from the internal to the external of a man.

In many ways you are right in never having faith. God must personally work in your life for that faith to appear. If he did not reveal himself to you then you are doing what you should naturally.

From my own personal life experience, I have seen him work but in mysterious ways. Sometimes calling you out of church that you think he wants you to be part of Sometimes meeting people that you thought he wants you to run away from.

He is a great God of love and he will never leave you though you may walk through many lonely roads of life.