You're at your best friends wedding, you're holding a speech, what do you say?

Here was mine (I still have it memorized, some details omitted obviously) from when I was best man at my brother's wedding last year. It seems rather long, but actually it was only about 5 minutes. Maybe this could give you or someone else some inspiration:

 

Thank you, thank you. Hi, my name is mloof, and you know when Groom first asked me to be his best man, I didn't know I had to make a speech--because I've never been to a wedding before in my life. So I asked around, and apparently there are a couple things I'm...not?...supposed to mention? Just one sec, let's see here (pull out a small stack of note cards, make a show of going through them one by one while muttering quetly into the mic)

 

Let's see here...no ex girlfriends...skips about five cards no...Groom's night of horrors? Nah...skips card no...barfing on the highway story quickly skips card okay here we go sorry.

 

So Groom and I have known each other for almost 20 years. In first grade I used to chase him around the playground for reasons that neither of us can really remember anymore, but it wasn't until 6th grade that we became best friends.

 

Our class had gone away to science camp for the week, and initially I was really sad, because it was my birthday, and no one had noticed or even remembered. But Groom did. He wished me a happy birthday and hung out with me, and for the first time at camp, I was having fun. Later, Groom realized that he had forgotten his pillow at home. So I lent him mine for the week, and since then we've been the best of friends.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, I could tell you all kinds of stories about Groom. I could tell you about the time that he stood up for me when Bully broke my bike, by stealing Bully's hockey puck, throwing it down the sewer drain, and losing Bully and his goons on a mile long bike chase. I could tell you about the times that we would bike all over Our Hometown, discovering 8th wonders of the world, eating giant pickles, cheeseburger hockey...And trying to work up the courage to buy the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition from 711.

 

I could tell you about how he is SO cheap, that he will complain NON. STOP. If he does not get the half off burger special from Local Bar and Grill. I mean come on dude, its a couple bucks, I got you.

 

And I could tell you that he is one of only two people left in this world that I can absolutely trust and rely on.

 

Ladies and gentleman, the man before you is one of the kindest, and most honorable men you will ever meet. He does not have a single ounce of hatred in his body, and if you are in need he will give of himself without a second thought.

 

When I came back to Home State broken, he built me back up. When I had to pick up the pieces and start over, he was there to support me. Whenever I was heartbroken he would always cheer me up. I couldn't have had a better best friend.

 

I say had, because over the last few years I've realized something. You and I are no longer best friends. But there's a very good reason for that. It's because your new best friend is right there sitting next to you.

 

Bride, you're an amazing woman, and Groom is damn lucky to have found you. One of the ways we've bonded over the years is through the mutual pain and loss we've both been forced to endure in our lives, so I'm glad that you've finally found the anchor in life that so many of us in this world desire, and yet so few of us ever truly attain. I know he couldn't be here today Bride, but you better believe that somewhere up there right now, your Dad is SO proud of you.

 

Groom, I remember a day, about 15 years ago. You and I had biked to the park like we always used to, and we were lying on the grass, watching the clouds go by, and talking about life. What kind of jobs we'd have, all the girls we'd date, and what our futures held. You weren't sure about much, but one thing was for certain: You wanted to fall in love, and start a family.

 

And guess what man? You're killing it. You're going to make it. I'm so grateful that we were able to walk the same path for so many years. And no matter what happens you will ALWAYS be my brother.

 

So let's raise our glasses everyone, to Groom and Bride. May they both have a long life together filled with love and happiness. I love you brother, and I am SO fucking proud of you. Cheers everyone!

/r/AskMen Thread