Zero-star rating: Pan

All bad review aside, I just can't get over how much unnecessary shit was crammed into this movie.

Less is often times more, and this is a perfect example of that. Adding all of this extra stuff didn't make the movie better, it made it worse because it just opens the flood gate to potential logic errors.

For example, why does it take two people to pilot one robot? The movie gives us this whole, "left brain / right brain" explanation but I want to know why anybody would think that this is the way to go when building a giant robot.

We're talking about a bunch of people that have the super advanced technology to not only read minds, but actually link two different brains together to act like one super brain... a technological and scientific feat that is beyond difficult... but couldn't figure out how to make a controller for a robot? The "Power Glove" idea was beyond their grasp?

We can mind surf but we can't build a power glove?

This, "we need two pilots" thing is ridiculously stupid... and unfortunately for us, it's a major part of the movie... but it doesn't need to be. If Del Toro was in love with the "Dr Charlie linking his brain to the alien" story line, OK fine... just have Dr Charlie invent the brain sync machine... but why does the brain sync have to be a requirement to drive the robots? You could take that out of the movie, and still make the same movie.

In fact, it would actually be better. People would have more of a reason not to trust Dr Charlies brain linking to a kaji plan because not only is liking minds with a Kaji bat shit crazy, but it would also require him to use a new technology that nobody has ever used before. It's extremely risky and probably won't even work. Of course nobody would take his plan over the cripples.

Without Mind-Surfing you could still have two pilots and the girl could have still been the co-pilot... you know, like how R2D2 in Star Wars or Jordi from Star Trek are always there to fix things that get broken in battle, or run scans to find weak points and divert full power to shields or whatever... which could have still let us have the daddy issue story line, but without the bullshit bad design of mind surfing. So why did the second pilot have to mind surf? What purpose does that serve? Why is that in the movie?

Never in my life have I seen a giant robot anything where two people had to link brains to synchronize swim drive a robot. Am I doing a good job of pointing out how just utterly stupid that idea is? Because it's a really fucking stupid idea.

All it did, was add an unnecessary level of complexity to the story that makes the viewer ask questions that don't have answers. Like, how is humanity advanced enough to link our fucking minds together, but not smart enough to build a Playstation controller?

I can drive a giant robot right now without having to mind surf with another person... why the fuck would that become a requirement in the future? Who invented that and why are they so bad at their job?!

Then you have pregnant monsters? I thought the monsters were clones made by aliens... why would aliens make their war machine pregnant? Did they design it that way, or did two Kaji just stop mid rift and fuck? Is that really what Del Toro wanted me to think about in the middle of watching his movie? Here I am about 80% through his movie, and now I'm asking questions like, "why do the clones even have genitals?", "what do Kaji dicks even look like?", "when did they fuck"?, "how do they fuck?", "where did they fuck"... also, now I'm visualizing Kaji porn... what is this? Why?! Why is any of this bullshit in the film?

You'd think it's because we needed the baby to get the brain... I mean a babies skull wouldn't be as big or as thick so you could actually get to it right? But before we even find out that baby Kaji even exist, the movie already tells us that we don't need a full brain... Kaji are so big they have two brains, like dinosaurs, and we only need the second brain, which we can access. So why the fuck is there a baby?

Maybe they wanted a clever, surprising way to kill Dr SexShop.... but no, because he lives and comes back at the end of the movie. So why is there baby in the film?

Why?!!?????

Mind Sufing, two pilots, clones, aliens, babies... what the fuck is this shit?

One person, gets in one robot, and fights a monster... how fucking difficult is that? How do you fuck that story up so royally?

So while maybe some people did like the film, the reality is, more people hated it then enjoyed it... and they hated it because it was bad. The story was bad, the dialog was bad, and the acting was bad.... and that's why you won't get a sequel. It was a bad film... and that sucks, because it could have been great had Del Toro not made so many stupid, stupid, unnecessary mistakes.

it's a bad movie. I don't want it to be bad, but it is. It's bad. It's stupid, and it's bad.

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