I don’t think you’re an asshole at all. You have trauma, you’re dealing with it, and the person who is supposed to love and support you is not. You’ve told him your feelings and expectations and he prefers to ignore that and “help” you in the way HE sees as best.

I don’t think he’s a bad guy and I believe it’s possible he just forgot what videos ect he watched. Porn and porn light videos are such an everyday thing for a ton of people so it’s totally possible it wasn’t something that really stuck with him.

My main concern is for you. Are you happy with the relationship? Is he meeting your needs and do you feel safe? If you’re constantly having to ask him to be proactive in the relationship and he ignores that, it’s not a good sign for the future.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to put up with certain behaviors in a relationship. If you need to be with someone who never watches porn that’s totally acceptable. It’s not your job to try and lessen your trauma for another person. You shouldn’t be expected to be triggered over and over again in order to have a significant other.