You are spot on regarding the feelings of embarrassment. Great insight from such little context! I am tactful but another stakeholder on my side was not (they have since voluntarily let me mediate). Appreciate your response. I will try working towards their values.

It will be hard because their personality is such that they choose to ignore very serious problems (one adult child doesn't have awareness about her schizophrenia, enabling unemployment of another adult child etc - All situations where they have been ok with getting us involved but then refusal to take basic steps that seem urgent and immediate - like getting the parents a consultation with a really good psychiatrist).

I know it's a terribly tough situation to be in for anyone, but even when they were facing less stressful times, their attitude towards not acknowledging the problem is unreal for me to wrap my head around.