"But when she starts an argument, she presses and presses until I or whoever else she is arguing with gets worked up and then she gets eerily calm. She starts to try and “calm me down” by telling me how I am getting out of control, says things like “maybe you need to see a therapist to deal with your anger.” (Funny thing is, though, I have been in therapy for many years to deal with my two siblings with BPD and I don’t feel like I can tell her because she would throw it in my face all the time.) Then she gets “lovey” - and starts to talk about good childhood memories (or at least things she has remembered as good) and expects me to join in. But by that point, I am worked up and frustrated and don’t want to talk, which she then turns into an example of how I hurt her. And the cycle starts all over again. "

This hit me hard and is exactly what I feel/happens. It makes me even angrier when she tries to worm her way in after a blow up like nothing happened. The urge to yell and call it out is so strong and I feel that they "win" even though not giving a reaction is the real win. Unfortunately it never feels like it.