I am Stannis, 1st of his name, King of Westeros by right. The hype train for Season 5 is bursting out of the station, so Ask Me Anything, Wed Mar 25, at 12:00 UTC.

Your Grace, do these details ring true about your brother, King Robert?:

True facts about Robert Baratheon

  • The Norse god Thor told Robert Baratheon not to drop his hammer, Mjölnir (pronounced mew-mew), but need not have worried.

  • Robert Baratheon never uses the phrase ‘Who’s ya Daddy?’ in jest.

  • The Boar that killed Robert Baratheon was Jaqen H’Gar of the Faceless Men. He got so drunk when celebrating how his hare-brained scheme actually worked that he was arrested in King’s Landing, tried, and sent to the Wall.

  • MC Hammer’s phrase ’Stop: Hammer time’ would have been entirely redundant in the reign of King Robert, First of His Name.

  • Robert Baratheon had respect for Barristan Selmy. Robert was the only one who chose to have respect for Barristan Selmy.

  • The Kingsguard declined during the reign of Robert Baratheon. The Kingsguard was urgently reinforced during the reign of Joffrey.

  • Robert Baratheon does not have a drinking problem.

  • Robert Baratheon has a effete Lannister squires not pouring fast enough problem.

  • Robert Baratheon handles the drinking itself with aplomb.

  • The folk song John Henry was originally called Bobby B, and instead of steel being hammered, it was a poncy Targaryen prince’s skull.

  • Robert Baratheon just made up breastplate stretchers, for shits and giggles.

  • Robert Baratheon chose finance guru Petyr Baelish to negotiate with the Iron Bank of Braavos extend loans to finance his child-support bills.

  • The Lannisters styled themselves ‘A Lannister Always Collects His Debts’, until King Robert borrowed from them.

  • Robert Baratheon suppressed a Greyjoy rebellion, and denied that which is dead permission to die.

  • Robert Baratheon gave the under-achieving bitter middle child in their household control of Dragonstone.

  • Robert Baratheon helped Renly Baratheon with his woman problems.

  • Robert Baratheon is pretty sure his wife is faithful.

/r/cleganebowl Thread