Your Grace, do these details ring true about your brother, King Robert?:
The Norse god Thor told Robert Baratheon not to drop his hammer, Mjölnir (pronounced mew-mew), but need not have worried.
Robert Baratheon never uses the phrase ‘Who’s ya Daddy?’ in jest.
The Boar that killed Robert Baratheon was Jaqen H’Gar of the Faceless Men. He got so drunk when celebrating how his hare-brained scheme actually worked that he was arrested in King’s Landing, tried, and sent to the Wall.
MC Hammer’s phrase ’Stop: Hammer time’ would have been entirely redundant in the reign of King Robert, First of His Name.
Robert Baratheon had respect for Barristan Selmy. Robert was the only one who chose to have respect for Barristan Selmy.
The Kingsguard declined during the reign of Robert Baratheon. The Kingsguard was urgently reinforced during the reign of Joffrey.
Robert Baratheon does not have a drinking problem.
Robert Baratheon has a effete Lannister squires not pouring fast enough problem.
Robert Baratheon handles the drinking itself with aplomb.
The folk song John Henry was originally called Bobby B, and instead of steel being hammered, it was a poncy Targaryen prince’s skull.
Robert Baratheon just made up breastplate stretchers, for shits and giggles.
Robert Baratheon chose finance guru Petyr Baelish to negotiate with the Iron Bank of Braavos extend loans to finance his child-support bills.
The Lannisters styled themselves ‘A Lannister Always Collects His Debts’, until King Robert borrowed from them.
Robert Baratheon suppressed a Greyjoy rebellion, and denied that which is dead permission to die.
Robert Baratheon gave the under-achieving bitter middle child in their household control of Dragonstone.
Robert Baratheon helped Renly Baratheon with his woman problems.
Robert Baratheon is pretty sure his wife is faithful.