Questions are always good to ask yourself, the universe, others. Maybe that is what I see more so than pain. Maybe it is that unanswered hunger for meaning in things. I am like this myself, there is no way that thing was placed there right when I needed it. There must be some higher power paying attention or trying to push me in this or that direction. I am so deep about things now I wonder sometimes if abuse itself is just a step we needed to take to get to our next level of consciousness. I mean, who would we be with out our pain as well as our joy. One with out the other is meaningless. You should healthy about life and self. I just still want to hug you a little, but that could also be the pics kicking in. :P I am oddly working on the same sort of thing right now too. I am trying to live life my own way which makes me happy and stop worrying about all the other outside influences and interferences. I hope we both pull it off. So in my head we are gonna be BFFs now. Keep being fearlessly you!