A while ago I watched Louis CK's comedy store special, and some series of words triggered in me the knowledge that is relayed in this video: That death is experienced in the present. I realised that when I die, the moment I was experiencing while watching the special would be as distant and as vague as all my memories were. That in that moment of death, I would only have that moment and that most of everything else would be lost. It made me think of life totally differently, more in 4 dimensions, because in that moment of death, life would be a singularity - my entire life would be condensed in my memory which I could glide across and explore before inevitably perishing. Essentially, in death, life is experienced in 4 dimensions, but only backwards in time.

Anyway, I was trying to avoid thinking about it after because of the level of existential dread it triggered in me. So I picked up a book I'd been meaning to read for a while. A book I thought was about the atrocities of WWII. Nope! Turns out this book is primarily driven by a character that experiences existence in 4 dimensions. Well, fuck. Reading it just sent me back in to that loop of dread.

So, I thought, let's watch a movie. I've been meaning to watch this Sci Fi film for a while because I love the genre and it got great reviews. I had purposefully avoided the trailer so I knew next to nothing besides the premise. Guess fucking what? The plot revolved around experiencing life in 4D.

God fucking damn it! This all happened in about the space of a month, and no amount of hoovering could save me. Thankfully I'm detached enough now from my revelation to not feel it as much as before, which is strange because it's no less true. I guess it's just how the brain works - to rationalise and persevere. Thank you, Brain!