I think my experiences may shed some light on your situation. I was in a physically abusive relationship for two and a half years, with my "high school sweetheart;" later I monogamously dated a habitual liar and cheater for four years. A year or so after that I met the love of my life, an angel and complete saviour. After one year of being together I was sexually assaulted, on my 25th birthday, by my gym trainer.

I have had my struggles and still do to this day but my partner, my Sir, has made things a lot easier for me.

I'm sure many subs have experienced some sense of confusion and guilt about their kinks and I am no stranger to that. I was terrified of my kinks because they appeared to be so closely similar to the horrific events that have happened in my past. Through many forms of therapy I've learned quite a lot of myself and my kinks. I have my Sir and his patience to thank.

I have learned, I'm a very independent and strong willed person. I like to be the boss of my own life, however when it comes to sex, that is where I become vulnerable. I have always wanted to (but never had the chance) submit myself to someone whom I love but not only that, to someone who treated me with love and kindness. My Sir has done more than that. I can say with confidence I am his Queen and from that, he has made me feel so powerful.

Of course when I wanted to explore my kinks, I was on a mission to take back my sexuality but most importantly, I was on a mission to back myself and revamp myself into a stronger woman. We started slow, very slow... like just spanking and hair pulling kind of slow. Through his kindness and respect outside of our sex life, I became more comfortable and we moved to choking (I absolutely love being choked near passing out, when the ringing in your ears begins to chime and your legs search for stability on their own) but it was not easy. There were quite a few times I experienced sub drops in the middle of sex, sometimes as soon as his hand was around my neck. But he was patient. So on and so forth, we have come a long way and though I do experience sub drop from time to time, I have never felt more in control, more powerful, more like the Queen of my own life and sexuality, than ever before... because I really never had the chance.

My advice would be, ask her what makes her feel powerful and go with that. Be kind to her (as I am sure you are) and be patient but don't treat her like she is weak and easy to break... because she's been broken and now she is trying to piece herself back together. Empower her; share your vulnerability with her and let her comfort you.

Sorry for the long read; hope that helps.