It's not that I only get stress relief form masturbation. I have hobbies, I started exercising again. I was actually a weight lifter for 10 years and I became too big for my body. I didn't know i had congenital narrowing of my spinal canal so when I herniated a disc it could heal, add in a splash of pandemic rendering healthcare out of reach and you get yourself a nice case of Cauda-Equina, I have lot of friends and I get laid if i out the effort in. I'd like a partner but its been tough not being able to work and being visibly disabled. I know I'm also not a great candidate due to my mental health right now. But besides that I have a lot of things I enjoy and means of curating an OK life. The issue is I cant satiate and appease a neural connection that's essentially a part of my existence for survival like breathing according to my broken brain. No matter how much sex or partners, drugs, kink anything regarding superficial or wholesome for pleasure and spiritual in the sense of fulfilling and not a vice or instant gratification stops my body form saying "Hey, why hasn't our demand been made?" I'm going insane. I guess it's my fault with how I worded it but I don't know how to stop it.

And I had a really scary case of what we suspected (endocrinologists and urologists) of PFS that made me understand how much even more miserable I could be to just have no working genitals or desire or romantic and lustful fantasies so I don't mess with medication. I managed to overcome having a sex addiction and dealing with OCD. I have support with my Autism and manage my ADHD all without meds. There more that I have ti lose on an emotional spectrum and way I appreciate and interact with my close-ones and world from the side-effects of SSRI/MOA's. (I respect anyone who needs and uses them, to each their own in managing their lives. If they feel it benefits them I 100% support their use.) But I've been too sensitive in a grander spectrum with emotions using them that made me suicidal or just too numb to even consider I was existing/living. But that's my own chemistry. I do appreciate as I asked for anything and I'm sorry to shoot it down so quickly.

I'm not opposed to using toys. I actually have a bit of ability to feel vibration but it can lead to tearing of skin or swelling and a doctor told me to still be considerate of a chance I ever did get a procedure to help or a miracle occurred that I'd still want the nerves intact which I agree with. I had wondered by prostate stimulating toys to help but haven't had a partner I'd be close enough or comfortable with to use one during sex. But I have before and it just wasn't my thing. But if it could make my sex life more satisfying I'd try it for sure. Do you find it helps a lot?

Have the meds you're taking about be correlated to having better orgasms? I have pills for erections because even though I can get and maintain them, when sex lasts a long time and I cant feel, it becomes hard to sustain or I simply don't know its gone, And I also learned the hard way (or soft) that its dangerous to have sex without Cialis or Viagra because If I begin to go soft and I cant feel it, I almost snapped my penis when I fell out and luckily we had slowed down and she had to reposition me and that's when she made a remark. And it was then I realized what had almost happened. :/

I'm sorry to hear you're also struggling with this and haven't found a direct compromise that makes you happy. I've had quite a bit of people reach out to me privately and it seems were all pretty upset and have given up on this endeavor. Which I honestly appreciate the honesty. I may sound like a miserable person but nothing made me angrier than doctors and one session on site psychologists trying to give me pep talks or the "sex isn't everything" speeches while they get to go about their lives without having to heed their own advice. (But also am happy they don't know my pain personally because I don't wish this on anyone and I know their just approaching it form a different side of medical practice.) But I rather start building my life around a end-result most likely to occur than wait till 10 years have passed with no change to maybe think I wasted that time going "any-day now" and be crushed when it hits me I just lost my last years of vitality.

I have also been told by doctors that they think we'd eventually regain a lot of function from nerve injuries if we lived long enough to have more nerve grow. But some have told me straight up that's miracle thinking. Regardless I appreciate you all who reached out. And I apologize for not being efficient at writing shorter responses. Did you ever develop new erogenous zones and if so, have they made a big difference in your sex life?