I have a nonverbal 3yo boy who's super strong, super independent. Very social and loving. Really tries hard to speak (suspected apraxia?) But i have to tell you it's so god damn hard. I mean, I cannot understand him and it's so frustrating for both of us. I've done all the at home work i can. resources are scarce but we're finally (hopefully) getting a more regular therapist in jan. but i'm just soo heartbroken and discouraged. It just feels like it'll never get better and he's just getting stronger and faster and kids are starting to treat him different... and it just... it hurts. And you can see it hurts him. Honestly, i've dealt with such ... bad school administrators and a few really not great therapists (minus the one we have now but she's only 1 day a week) it's just hard.

i feel like he'll probably never talk. It terrifies me. he doesn't say any words perfectly consistently. All his words are like attempts for the words (miii) for milk. shhh for sheep. he says no a lot, at least he's got that figured out. he seems to understand me but, who knows anymore. We took him to a neurologist who didn't even suggest genetic testing or anything because he "looked perfectly healthy and it would more than likely resolve itself" He's extremely social and runs right up to people and hugs them. He's so happy and loving. We're still months out on an eval for autism but it just doesn't "feel" like autism? and idk if that makes me in denial or a shitty parent or what. He seems pretty witty and intelligent to me. maybe i'm blind because i'm his mother? idk. i'm just exhausted.

i worry so much, maybe my parenting techniques are bad? maybe i discourage speech without knowing it? maybe we watched too much tv? maybe i should have talked more when he was younger? i just feel like such a failure as a mother. and i just had another child and what if i screw this one up too? What if i fail to teach him to speak properly as well?

I don't even know how to deal with any of this anymore. What if he never talks? He's so wonderful and happy i hate thinking of a world that treats him different or that he has to experience without language.

ugh sorry, just needed to rant.