Then we lose together, not all of us, but at least me with you. Not this account of yours, but you. Tonight you are my hope. For you I sit and type, trying to be worthy. Spending my time enthralled by your needs. Influenced by that bit of you that you can't place your finger on. The thing that drives you to figure it out. I used to think that thing was 'if I don't do it, it won't get done'. I was wrong and frustrating myself because I demanded to be right. I've now come to see that it's that 'if I don't do it, I don't do'. I've spent eons of time distracting myself from that truth, justifying my avoidance. Thanks you for letting me share that.

I have both slaved and mastered myself to protect a more delicate treasure. I'd like to share with you too, if you'd be so kind as to let me. Dropping all pretense the raw me, the animal, seeks your validation. Driven by being both apart and a part of something bigger, searching for orthodoxy. I've come to believe there is no way to think correctly, only ways to think properly. I have been wrong for so long about trying to do my best to be the best that I fooled myself into believing that was the reason to try do my best. When, really, the satisfaction I crave is from doing my best. I've been searching for a finish line for so long there is now no reason to continue except for that it has become my sustained normalcy. The validity of that validation is forever valid.

Underneath I've been so scarred that if I validated myself that there would be no more drive to struggle and my path would end. Now I've discovered the manner in which I've searched for remedy is caused by the way in which I was twisted up. In overcoming the problem of finding meaning I've realized that the meaning is that I find purpose in searching for meaning. Fish gotta swim, brains have to think. Our nobility comes from the ability to chose what type of waters we swim in, not from entrenched power. You can be the best you, not despite the world we live in, but because of it. Now I'm scarred that I might be wrong. Can I be scarred with you? Because you're welcome to be scarred with me just as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other. Brother or sister, that is what family is for.

Stars shining in the void. We cannot master the world, but as we master trying to master ourselves by trying to master ourselves it becomes a moot point anyway. There's only one way to lose if the point is to try. For me there is peace in the Noble Struggle, how about you?