I'm gonna share my experience and try to relate it to your situation.

I barely graduated high school with a 1.6 GPA. I blew off school because it seemed like it made more sense to have fun than work hard, wasn't I too young to have to work hard? I also failed to grasp a few key concepts about adulthood. Namely, it doesn't exist. Eventually you're just a kid trying to survive on their own with the responsibility of an adult.

What I didn't understand was that working hard then is easy compared to working hard when you've got no breaks in life, and succeeding in high school, seizing opportunity and going to college is a very big break. Instead of putting in 2 hours a night after school, I set myself up for zero long term success.

But I graduated. Joined the workforce, because my parents weren't going to keep supporting me long after I turned 18. Realized I could barely survive if I didn't work, let alone have any pleasures at all. So I started busting my ass to get as far ahead as I could. I make ~$30000 a year now, which is a lot for a single 18 year old. The catch? Total, including my job, freelance work, and the fact that I still donate plasma to make an extra buck, I work about 60-100 hours a week. I'm always tired, my body is already breaking down, and I have no strong emotions in my life other than regret and more stress than I ever thought I could have.

I'm trying desperately to get into school right now so I can give myself a break, but it's so much more difficult having gone this route. Getting in is very difficult with my transcripts. Financing it is going to mean a very lean lifestyle. Finding time for it is going to mean stretching myself right to the point of breaking - and then stretching myself a little further. But if I don't do it, there's only so far I can get without a hell of a lot of luck. My life is a living hell right now but my only choice is to make it fucking work.

The upside? My work ethic is ridiculous. I spend a couple hours a night on reddit or reading, plus a couple of breaks here and there during the day, about 4-5 hours a night sleeping, and the rest is a desperate attempt to better myself and my situation.

That motivation is very difficult to find without having experienced life after not having it.

That's where your problem is. With all respect, you're lazy. Entitled, even. Life is easy in high school, despite the angst. But if you treat it like a joke, it will catch up to you.

And then life gets really, really hard.

I don't know how this post comes off, I'm like 50% venting and 50% trying to help. But I know exactly what you're doing in life, so try to learn from my mistakes. PM me if you have anything else you want to talk about. I'll help wherever I can.