I get this kind of to-the-point answer. Because on paper, there’s the semblance of truth to it. It’s easy to look at a situation from the outside and see that X is X and Y is Y. And well, it’s obvious. You made your bed…sleep in it.

That’s all hunky-dory. And maybe some people really do need to hear that they’re clearly the asshole in the situation. Maybe that’s helpful to a handful of people. Maybe it’s just a case of “manning-up”. Or whatever.

But honestly, I think it’s bullshit most of the time. Because how often does a person look at things on paper and make a good judgment call when it comes to relating with other people. We’re not robots. And we’re also incredibly skilled at downplaying potential problems and convincing ourselves of our adaptability. It’s biology. Evolution. Whatever. We’re very short-sighted, and are generally cursed with an inability to recognize the signs of catastrophe. Look at the collective mess we’re in globally?

Then there’s the fact that we never have all of the information before we make a decision. Half the time we’re going to make errors (anyone who says otherwise is probably not making decisions of consequence).

That aside, it’s also just insensitive. Most people that are struggling with blended families and needing to vent about it already feel like assholes. Like We’re doing it wrong. Like We’re the problem. Maybe we ARE the problem. Maybe we are assholes. Do we need more people to point out that we’re idiots? Do I need someone to remind me that I chose this situation, so what did I expect? I bet one out of ten might actually need to hear it.

I dunno. Living arrangements have made me question my own sanity. In most ways, I’m emotionally competent enough to deal with life. But the complexities of blended arrangements can undermine foundations…and any illusions we may have of control.