Kay sos I was takin a spicy shit. As my frothy tummy stew ejected from my asshole like a ruptured volcano, my festering asshole began to tear in all directions. And I mean like, wow. There really is no god, because he may give children cancer and let puppies get hit by traffic, but nobody and I means nobody breaks my sweet innocent leather donut. As my sweltering pucker hole reeled from the searing pain, something akin to shitting a spitfire of razors and rusty screws, I leaned forward shuddering in horror, bracing my chest against my thighs while I wept in silence. As I sat there I began to feel lonely, the creeping void of existential dread began to tear my mind asunder but as luck would have it, my dad knocked on the bathroom door. "How's my big man doing in there? Are you taking a fat sloppy shit?! Time for a tickle fight!" and soon as he opened the door he saw the trail of caustic shit, blood, and tears caked across the entirety of the floor. "What in the sweet and sour spaghetti fucking Christ is this!" then he slipped on my shit and broke his head open on the corner of the sink. So here I am, two days later having conversations with his maggot infested corpse while I sit with a broken quivering asshole. Man, life is full of awkward moments lol.