I hear you. I can relate. I was homeless for 15 years straight. Not by choice. And before that, I remember living for a month on $10 for food, for the entire month. This was in the '80s, but even then $10 wasn't much. Lost a lot of weight. Got sick from malnutrition, ended up in hospital. Much of what you describe is familiar to me.
One of the worst feeling, wandering a supermarket whole homeless, more just for some warmth than anything else, seeing an abundance of food, and I wasn't legally allowed to touch any of it. I didn't even have enough to buy so much as a gumball. I was picking up lost coins on the street--that was my only food money.
Looking at all that food I could not legally touch, starving, and thinking "Why is it like this? Why am I being forced into homelessness and starvation in a world of abundance?"
Thought of suicide every day when I was homeless--and I was homeless multiple times.
What you are experiencing is not just the problems of homelessness, but depression. Depression really colors your world, makes everything seem hopeless, robs you of energy, makes everything 100 times harder to do than it should be. I went through it too. I remember.
I can't wave a magic wand and get you out of homelessness and depression. I sure wish I could. Have you wake up tomorrow in a new world, and the homelessness and depression and money worries are over. This didn't happen overnight. You won't solve it overnight.
What I can tell you is, it can get better. I had a dream that kept me going--that and some online friends who were there for me during my darkest times and helped me forget I was homeless, just for a little while. Suicide was so tempting. But I had that dream of a better life.
The one way to guarantee that I'll never get my dream, is to suicide. I couldn't give up my dream. I just couldn't.
Today I have my dream. I'm out of homelessness. I live in the mountains, surrounded by forests, as I'd been wanting to, since I was a kid. I'm still poor, but I have my dream life. Being poor doesn't matter anymore. Hopefully I'll never be homeless ever again (knock on wood).
I did it. You can do it. It's hard. Real hard. But always keep your eye on the prize. Keep moving towards it, and you'll get there. Life can and does change.
Easy to mouth platitudes. Far harder to do. I can't give you money (I'm poor myself), but I can give you advice, support.
I would not have gotten my dream if I had not reached out for and accepted help. There's no shame in it. Everyone needs help. People helping people, is what makes civilization itself possible.
I want you to post about your situation in /r/assistance, in /r/personalfinance, and if you're feeling really down, check out /r/suicidewatch. Really supportive people there.
I want to do more for you. If you'd like a friend, please PM me. Let's see what we can do together to help you open some of those closed doors and climb out of the darkness.
PM me.