That sounds really tough and it sucks that you have ended up where you are. Without belittling the crappiness of your situation, I can offer an alternative perspective that I haven't seen anyone here bring up. It appears from your post that you don't really care much for God, and that's ok, but I want to offer the Christian perspective, you can take it or leave it, I don't mind if you don't care:
Your wife is hurting. It sounds like she doesn't have a good sense of who she is. She is operating in fear and her relationship with you seems to be founded on need rather than on love. It's a big problem, but you have a solution, and it's actually really close. The wisdom of the world tells us that it takes two people to make a healthy relationship. While this is true, it also takes two to end the relationship. This is not good. Allowing a spouse to control my ability to love puts me in a position of helplessness, and it gives away all the control over how good my day is. Why should someone else have the ability to make or break me? No one should have that power. My day should be based on something that doesn't change, or circumstances would quickly rule my life. Our identity goes deeper than our surface level attributes and our circumstances. It should be the only thing with enough power to make or break me.
The truth is, your identity (and your wife's) is of much more value than you think. And if you understood who you were, you would not need the love of you wife to get you through your day. You would just love her. It takes two to tango, but more importantly, it only takes one to love. On your wedding day you made a vow to be there for your wife no matter what. Well, right now she is hurting more than ever and could use your unconditional love.
Solution: You. "Christ in you, the hope of the manifestation of God/love on the Earth."
You are not a random person. You were chosen among billions of sperm to be the one that got to the egg. God has predestined you before the foundations of the Earth to be transformed into the image of the Son. You were actually created to be love, if you will believe it. The only thing holding you back from walking as Jesus did (being good, helping everyone and expecting nothing in return), is that your mind has not been renewed and enlightened to who you really are.
What if, in relationship with Jesus, who knows you and has never had a bad thought about you, ever, you had the power to help your wife. And, you didn't need her love to feel complete. All of a sudden no one in the world can hurt you, your invincible. That's good news. That's available to you. What if you prayed for the wellbeing of your wife every time she was abusive, and out of your praying you gained a better sense of your own identity and actually started to care more about your wife. Doesn't even matter what she things. What if she couldn't stand against your never ending favor for her and eventually she gives in and starts to love because you have loved her. Turns out God has been doing this all along. I didn't see it until recently but God is releasing wave after wave of grace and favor and love on us and it's up to us to change the way we think and receive it so that we can become the same thing. That's good news!! That's the gospel. I love you man I hope it goes well for you.