Firstly, thank you so much for taking the time to write out such a thoughtful and well-written comment. I've felt so blind about my own behaviours recently and you helped me make sense of it all.

You have shown a fear of honest, mature communication with the implementation of arbitrary "it's your turn to contact me" rules that simply should not be a part of the foundation of a mature relationship. Also, your default position was to "test" his loyalty to you after you had sex by setting up the rules in your mind that now he must be the person to call you. To me this says you are still hurting about the your LTR ending. Perhaps your ex was disloyal to you in some way and so you feel like you need "proof" now from the men you date that they really want you.

You're absolutely right. I've just read so much dating literature ("He's Just Not That Into You") type shit where it's important that the man must lead and that it's important to give him space after sex and that generally communicating with a man after sex signals neediness and desperation. I'm not sure how r/fpua feels about that?

We had sex on the second date, and I actually contacted him first and he was very excited and receptive and responded right away, just a little scatterbrained over the week due to the heavy workload he was facing at work. He had told me about these upcoming projects on the first date but my friends had gotten into my brain about, "suddenly he's so busy after sex? bullshit" and convince me not to initiate from that point forward. I had a similar dynamic in my previous relationship where I would purposely take turns initiating texting or setting up plans (my ex had no idea of course) and I would waste away hours or days wondering why he wouldn't just ask me out when in fact I had never brought up the issue to him in a mature, honest conversation. I've just had previous dating situations where I would do all the leg work in the relationship and that's where this whole unhealthy "taking turns" thing came from and I never communicated that to any partner, just in this passive aggressive way that's clearly failing me and giving me more anxiety than it should. In the future, how could I have had that conversation with him? Or with future men about communication and initiation?

To me, the quickness of getting back into the dating scene coupled with the fact that his flirting with you gave you feelings of intoxication from which you are now feeling intense withdrawl says that maybe it isn't quite time to be dating yet. Your brain before you met him was likely still in the withdrawl stage from your previous breakup, which made his attention and the rush of endorphins even more seductive than they would normally be if you had not still been in withdrawl from the ending of your LTR. You are making so much more sense than any of my friends right now, I love them, but they're pretty much just telling me to keep getting back out there and I'll forget this guy faster. But your comment has me convinced: I feel like disabling my OkC and uninstalling Tinder for the time-being. I feel out of control and not safe right now emotionally and the thought of being alone and taking a small break again has me breathing a small sigh of relief. The last couple of days honestly have me feeling like someone you just coerced me into a rehab facility. I'm fairly confident that my initial interest in this guy was genuine though if not spiked to irrational proportions as you said because I was in the withdrawal stage of my break up. I had gone out with five men before this one, and this one, like I said in my post, really engaged me. I think I just wanted too much too soon because I was love-starved, and the pacing was way too fast than I what I would have allowed to happen normally.

My friend actually still has his number (she had to phone him for something on on e of our dates cause my battery was dying) but even as I think about it, I feel like it's too much time to reach out now? Also, what would I say? I feel like given the fact that I've acknowledged that I'm not ready to date, I sort of just want to wish him well because I hate leaving things on a bad note.