A brief tale from my campaign! Today's tale is about that curious 12-foot-tall drunkard that was featured recently. What's his story?
Welcome to Backstory Sim version 11.34.2.0.
What is your name?
Kai.
KAI has been training for years to be a PRODUCTIVE MEMBER OF SOCIETY. He is of the race of TITANS.
Become priest.
You delve into DIVINE RESEARCH. You discover much about the FIVE GODS of OLDEN TIMES. Apparently your god is A RELATIVELY NEW ADDITION TO THE PANTHEON.
Become priest of sixth god.
You have made a terrible mistake.
You are now an UNWITTING PRIEST of the GOD OF CHAOS. You are EXILED from your HOMELANDS. You arrive in the UNTAMED WILDS.
Find civilization.
You find a SMALL TENGU VILLAGE. To your surprise, there is a TITAN INHABITANT.
Make friends with Titan.
You make friends with LIM. She is a TITAN, but was raised by TENGU. She is QUITE FRIENDLY and EAGER FOR ADVENTURE.
*LIM JOINED!*
Adventure!
You encounter a SMALL CITY. You are tasked with EXTERMINATING BANDITS.
Exterminate bandits.
KAI and LIM proceed to MURDER THE SHIT OUT OF THE BANDITS.
*CHAOS DICKERY!* LIM is WOUNDED!
Find doctor.
The doctor HEALS LIM, but she appears to be suffering from a FATAL DISEASE.
LIM insists on spending the last of her time ADVENTURING WITH YOU. Accept offer? Y/N
Accept.
LIM is OVERJOYED!
Adventure!
You travel onwards to a LARGE CITY. It is having difficulties with WRAITHS.
Fight wraiths!
There is a PITCHED BATTLE. You smack several wraiths with your TRUSTY WRENCH. However, you are SEVERELY WOUNDED.
Flee!
You TACTICALLY RETREAT into the LARGE CITY.
Heal up!
You find a DOCTOR who TREATS YOUR INJURIES. The doctor also manages to DELAY LIM'S DEATH.
*REGULAR DICKERY!* The city is attacked by WRAITHS! Several CASTERS have been MIND-CONTROLLED!
Apply wrench to mind-controlled people.
You BEAT THE STUPID out of several people. Someone WITHIN THE CITY seems to be coordinating this attack.
Investigate!
You stumble upon a LICH IN HIDING. He sics WRAITHS on you. LIM handles them, but is SEVERELY WOUNDED.
KILL THE LICH.
You vigorously apply your TRUSTY WRENCH to the Lich's BITCH FACE.
*CHAOS DICKERY!* You have saved the city, but they are holding you accountable for the damage!
Quietly leave
You HEAD OFF FOR ADVENTURE AGAIN. Your travels take you to MANY BANDIT CAMPS. LIM assists you in BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF THEM. She seems VERY HAPPY.
Head for civilization.
You arrive in a NORTHERN SETTLEMENT. It appears to be PRETTY OKAY, all things considered.
Relax!
You take a BRIEF BREAK. LIM seems to enjoy spending time with you.
*REGULAR DICKERY!* The SETTLEMENT is under attack by a SMALL ARMY!
Organize defenses!
You try to defend the SETTLEMENT from the ASSAULT. It appears to be HOLDING.
However, your efforts are quickly overcome by the TYRANNICAL WARBOSS!
Showdown with Warboss!
This proves EXCEEDINGLY UNWISE. The warboss PUNCHES THE EVERLOVING FUCK OUT OF YOU. LIM assists and meets a SIMILAR FATE.
Pray for assistance!
You have made a terrible mistake.
*CHAOS DICKERY!* Your god lends assistance by FREEZING TIME. The WARBOSS is no longer a threat.
Nor is the ARMY, the SETTLEMENT, or ANYTHING IN THE IMMEDIATE AREA.
Fix it!
The effect is PERMANENT. You are unable to help ANYONE.
Regret.
LIM offers COMFORT. She insists that IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.
It is COLD COMFORT, but still COMFORT.
Leave.
You CONTINUE YOUR TRAVELS. LIM is ALWAYS AT YOUR SIDE.
Fall in love.
You DO SO, despite it being RATHER INADVISABLE. LIM is STILL DYING.
Live peacefully for a while.
*CHAOS DICKERY* HAHAHA NOPE.
You arrive in a METROPOLIS. It REMINDS YOU OF HOME. However, there have been MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCES.
Visit church!
You find a PRIEST giving a sermon about MERCY for the MISGUIDED. It is QUITE INSPIRING.
Talk to the priest about the disappearances!
The PRIEST laments the sad state of things, and expresses PITY for the families of the disappeared, and mentions how he RUNS AN ORPHANAGE. He mentions GROWING RACIAL TENSIONS.
Investigate!
You find numerous instances of TERRIFIED NON-HUMANS being accosted by EXTREMIST MOBS.
Step in!
You and LIM proceed to BEAT SOME SENSE (and concussions) into the EXTREMIST MOB. You are called UNHOLY and HEATHEN, and then BREAK THE SPEAKER'S TEETH.
Investigate!
There are MORE DISAPPEARANCES. The PRIEST speaks out against the EXTREMIST MOBS. The GUARDS are considering a POLICE STATE. Tensions are growing.
You arrive just in time to witness what seems to be a CLANDESTINE MURDER.
Intervene!
You RUSH IN and SAVE THE VICTIMS, but the ATTACKERS are KILLED IN THE STRUGGLE. You have NO LEADS.
Pray for assistance
Wait
FUCK
You have made a terrible mistake.
*CHAOS DICKERY!* You feel a STRANGE PRESENCE. Your TRUSTY WRENCH flies out of your hand and CONCUSSES ONE OF THE VICTIMS.
Carefully lend a hand!
You are NOT MEDICALLY EXPERIENCED, but you suspect a LIFE-THREATENING INJURY. The VICTIM'S CHILD is unsure of what to do.
Find a doctor! Take the kid!
You LOCATE A DOCTOR, and the VICTIM receives CAREFUL ATTENTION. However, the CHILD needs a place to stay.
Take the child to the priest!
You escort the CHILD to the PRIEST. He assures yu that you have DONE THE RIGHT THING.
Search for clues!
You scour the city for INFORMATION. Your search turns up VERY LITTLE.
However, you once more stumble upon a CLANDESTINE ACTIVITY.
Charge in!
The CLOAKED FIGURES immediately scatter. They appera to have been carrying a VERY SMALL BODY BOG.
Oh no.
Open bag.
It is a DEAD CHILD with NO VISIBLE INJURY. However, you recognize the GARMENTS from THE PRIEST'S ORPHANAGE.
FUCK
CHURCH, NOW!
You rush to the CHURCH. You find the PRIEST in the middle of a SERMON, despite the LATE HOUR.
Crash this party.
You barge in just about when the PRIEST is telling his congregation about THE ULTIMATE MERCY OF EUTHANASIA.
KILL THE PRIEST.
A LARGE BATTLE follows. You CRUSH THE PRIEST'S FACE.
*CHAOS DICKERY!* The disappearances stop, but you are now INFAMOUS for killing a PROMINENT PUBLIC FIGURE.
Leave as quietly as possible.
You do so. LIM assures you that YOU COULDN'T HAVE KNOWN.
This is some heavy shit. Settle down.
You FIND SOMEWHERE QUIET. You spend a great deal of time APPRECIATING WHAT YOU HAVE.
However, LIM is STILL DYING.
Visit home.
You RETURN TO YOUR HOME ISLAND. Your FAMILY is moderately pleased to see you..
Marriage!
LIM is INCREDIBLY FLATTERED. However, your FAMILY is INCREDIBLY OFFENDED for CULTURAL REASONS.
Whaaaat
Your FAMILY insists that LIM is a TERRIBLE MATCH. They FORBID YOUR UNION.
Take offense!
You TAKE OFFENSE.
Leave in a huff.
You RETURN TO THE MAINLAND. LIM does not have much TIME left.
Settle down.
You do so. Over time, you come to terms with LIM's fate. She thanks you for all the GOOD TIMES.
Her life was WORTH LIVING.
Sad.
You PREPARE FOR THE FINAL DAYS.
*CHAOS SOMETHING-ERY!* An OLD BOOK catches your eye.
Read the book?
The book is about LIFE AFTER DEATH. It details multiple ways to BRING A SOUL BACK FROM BEYOND.
Whaaaat
Like zombies?
NO. The book details how a mind can LIVE ON in an ARMORED BODY.
SAVE LIM
You FURIOUSLY RESEARCH the art of CREATING A DULLAHAN. LIM grows weaker each day.
SAVE LIM!
Your RESEARCH finishes. You gather the MATERIALS. You are READY.
LIM dies.
You work quickly, performing the necessary RITUALS.
You retrieve LIM'S SOUL.
The RITUALS bind it to the ARMOR.
It's working.
*CHAOS DICKERY!* The rituals have been sabotaged!
The ARMOR vanishes in a COLUMN OF LIGHT AND NOISE!
LIM is gone.
...
Get drunk