I dont know if that's what Tater said, so I cant speak to that. I know they said they had reason to believe that Em and Pickles McDickles were in contact pretty early on. I'm careful about the nature of the situation. I wouldnt be surprised if they were all "ZOMG LOVE FOREVER" but grief does funny things, shes clearly got a lot of co-dependency issues, feels like a man needs to be head of house, etc. I think she has been trained to be all hearts and butterflies and unicorns and to never, ever, ever, ever actually deeply engage with the ugliness that life inevitably has. The more they force the "i love you forever! this is what I always wanted" angle, the less I am convinced. She acts like that because she desperately wanted to legitimize her new relationship with Richard; he desperately wanted to be seen as legitimate (for different reasons, as we all see), and there is hell to pay if he isnt satisfied. I agree that "we can be together now!" is hearsay so it's on my radar but not taken as truth. To speculate- I get the sense that Emilly tends to tell people what they want to hear in order to avoid confrontation and because she wants to be loved by people. And frankly, if she did say that, I would also keep it in mind that they were in contact and Richard was likely already slowly increasing the pressure on her.
As far as choices in partners- sure, Richard is her first choice insofar as she knew him first and that was a romantic experience she had before Martin; you COULD say she only had Martin because things didnt work out with Richard. In the same way, one could say that any one of my high school boyfriends was my "first choice" to my current partner because I only got with him when things didnt work out. But, I wouldnt parse it that way because my ex wasn't right for me and my partner is. Unrelated to other experiences I have had, my partner is my first choice based on a lot of factors. I'll give Emily the same due. Richard called her to reconnect while she was getting ready for the wedding; if Richard were her first choice and wanted back in her life, she had the opportunity. I think things were fun and cute but super not serious with Richard, she had a lil crush when she was 15 (and the bullshit is that they act like it was the most profound love they've ever experienced I mean C'MON), he went off to mission, that shit petered out for any number of reasons shit like that does. I've got plenty of those kinds of things under my belt, too. No biggie. She also found Martin and fell in love with him. Yeah, maybe she would have married Richard if things had been different because she was gonna marry someone and probably early in life, but I think she actively pursued Martin because he was by all accounts great and that's genuine. I was on track to stupidly get married to my high school boyfriend if not for my current partner, but I found someone better. Richard swooped in on an overburdened, inexperienced girl.
Unpopular opinion, but I don't think Em is terrible for seeing that Martin was an objectively better partner than Richard and I dont think she had ulterior motives. She's honestly just a really immature, home-schooled Mormon girl with no education. She married up because for many women, marriage is the avenue for acquiring a stable life. That's an unspoken calculation plenty of women do, especially when they are taught to define themselves through their relationships. I mean, its precarious to be in that position bc her life will essentially look like her hisband's. Partially it's because I am an anthropologist focused on gender, but I can see that as a valid life strategy for women in constrained circumstances and a common occurrence in a lot of cultures. And by all accounts, Martin was a catch. She found a partner who was perfect for her- he took care of her financially, was talented and interesting, was emotionally responsive, doted on her and the children, helped her with the older kids so she could snuggle the bebes, gave her space to pursue her interests without pressuring her to make it something big, looked nice and worked out, etc. As I understand it, in exchange he wanted a dutiful wife and mother, a big family, a pretty woman who supported him. Honestly, finding someone like that when the other option was RICHARD? Shes not that dumb, and when I think about her finding happiness with Martin, I think good for her. I'm sure she saw a hell of a lot in Martin that made him better, including the way he treated her. She made her choice and it was Martin. It's quaint as fuck, but I think it was genuine. She's retconning Dickles now because he expects her to and she wants everyone to believe ITS FINE ITS FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE NO IM NOT PARALYZED BY THE WEIGHT OF MY LIFE CHOICES THIS IS PERFECT AND HAPPY AND EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED ALL ALONG.haha:)
That said, I have an overall negative opinion of Emily. I can see that there was a lot of grief and the girl was just NOT equipped to handle it. She never was. She ran away from it and now she's here. She made some fucked up choices because she was losing everything she knew and she spiraled into her grief. Emily didn't survive Martin's cancer. She is a shell of herself. That does not absolve her of the pain she has caused or the fucked up stuff she is accused of having done during the course of Martin's illness (if those are true). She lost Martin, but she still had responsibilities to her children. That's where her loyalty should have been this entire time. Richard took advantage when she was paralyzed by grief, sure, but she's put her children in emotionally damaging situations and literal physical harm's way. She prioritized a dangerous fuckface for whatever reason, neglected her children's needs, and wreaked havoc on Martin's family emotionally. Victims can be perpetrators, too.
Sorry I wrote a novel. I have complex feelings about the situation. Tl;dr Martin was the first-choice because duh of course. Tragedy happened. Dick took advantage. She fucked up real bad and refuses to take emotional responsibility for any of the fallout. Everything else is plastering over the shitstains.