Yeah. From 15-22 I was drunk and/or high on cocaine multiple times a month. To the point I landed in detox for cocaine during a huge time of trauma and got two warnings for driving with alcohol in my system (we have 0 tolerance here, so you get ticketed for having any alcohol in your system even if you aren’t legally impaired).

I realized I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I got a better job, and bartended at night for fun, and then decided to leave the bar scene all together. I must be grateful for the experiences because it paid my student loans, landed me a great internship, and a good career with so much upward mobility.

I really didn’t like who I was when I drank and sought out therapy. Now when I do drink I’m fun and lighthearted and not depressed/angry nor do I humiliate myself. I’m just in a way better place. But I think there’s still a lot of room for improvement. If I wanted to I could keep drinking til I’m wasted but I just don’t see the point or enjoy it anymore. I’m more fun and happy when I’m fully me- the version of me who cares enough to know my limit and play within it.

I still struggle because again the ideal would be to cut it out altogether and never be of the mindset that a drink would chill me out. Cause again, that’s a slippery slope.

On the cusp means you’re basically straddling two states: in this case meaning being an alcoholic or not being an alcoholic. Medically, I’m far from being an alcoholic but emotionally I still have some lingering remnants of alcohol abuse.

I see from your posts you’re a schizophrenic. I’m diagnosed as having bipolar disorder and/or borderline personality disorder, as well as ADHD, general anxiety, PTSD, and an eating disorder. So it’s been a long road for me but I’m finally happy and healthy. I still have a lot of mountain left to climb but I must say that the view is already looking pretty good from here. I don’t know if it gets easier for everyone but once I started sorting out the emotions behind the alcoholism it got a lot easier to say no.