Man brother,I know where you are coming from! And I feel sad at the immense pain and suffering you are going through. I was in the same position with some minor details being different. Depression is normal, fuck the pills who would not be depressed living at home jobless? Most people would feel shitty if put in that position. Luckily I am escaping my depression through TRP mentality and having had some good luck. I would be lying if I knew how to cure depression.
I've started to try to do things for myself, like reading good books and writing my book
It sounds like you are an intellectual or at least have a capacity for critical thought. I am of the same branch, as many men are in the TRP community so I am thinking that maybe we can share data on our efforts.
I am collecting a lot of data on my own experience and I am considering writing an essay if my results are good enough and I still feel compelled to share my findings. But right now it is baby steps, real small steps so I can receive external confirmation of success and slowly build confidence hence, gradually taking bigger and bigger steps. Depression is crippling, and extremely painful. A pain hard to understand unless you have felt it. It is illogical and ruins lives, many people never recover.
I would love to touch base with you on a regular basis and discuss what we applied and how it is working out in curing our depression. I am trying some unconventional methods which seem promising at the moment, but I am just starting so I am waiting to see how my results progress. I would be more than happy to share them.
The mind is infinitely complex, and we know little to nothing of it. I think you are making the right call, by being hesitant and questioning the validity of it. Therapy will only give you blue pill philosophy and take your money IMHO. Doctors know fuck all about depression and the results medication provide in treating depression is subjective as they are so many variables in an individual and his life. I think you need an other man to help you. I am here and would like a man to bounce ideas off and talk about shit. Working together is our biggest collective strength as men.