Hmmm I thought finding stuff would empower me. Might anyway.
At first reading it didn’t phase me.
As the day moved on it settled in. I’d seen his face.
My moods been okay.
I was cleaning up and suddenly had tears. I pushed away how I was feeling. Later I had the anxiety in my wrists and even my shoulders. The heat running through my body.
I felt angry later still.
I decided to lay down in bed and clear my mind and breathe.
I fell asleep. I woke up groggy and okay but a bit glum. I had a long shower and that helped.
I didn’t think I’d feel a reaction like this. I distance myself from me and me when I was a boy. Or I try and fool myself? But yeah. Maybe I thought I could legitimise why I distance myself from those memories now more. It’s all good though.
Live and learn. Feeling pass.
Nothing’s changed. I have a bit of what I wanted to know and now I’m not so sure knowing is a great idea.