You're already on a path up out of your problems--intense shame and a desire not to become a specific type of person is a first and necessary step to improving yourself. You're at the hardest part of a path ahead of you now, but with a healthier diet, enough sleep, and exercize, you will be shocked at how much easier everyday life is six months from now if you just stop.

Your brain right now is the worst influence, because not only are your chemically inured to need a certain fix, when you do have the resolve not to do it, your brain--who knows you more intimately than anyone ever could--knows the exact rationalizations for why your behavior is maybe ok, maybe just this last time, maybe just because you had a shitty day, maybe just because you'll change in a month.

Once you realize you'll never think your way out of your hole, it gets a whole lot easier. Willpower and discipline are two peas in a pod, but neither one is anything without the other.

You never build a snowman by thinking one into existence, staring at a field of snow. That's what you're wanting to do by just snapping into sobriety. But that's not how it works--you gotta start off small, roll that ball, and build on successes.

This isn't new-agey, 12-steps kind of thinking. This is what any neuroscientist will tell you.

It feels like by not changing anything you're on the path of least resistance--but that's only because your brain doesn't like to change. Changing your brain though, is easily doable, as long as you commit yourself to building on small successes overtime, and realize that no matter what, your brain and its rationalizations are the enemy.

As soon as you start logic-ing yourself into self-destructive behavior, try to short-circuit it and force yourself into the tiniest productive task you can find doable. Overtime, the results will amaze you.

You're not happy with the way things are now--you know now objectively how to make yourself happier and healthier. Remind yourself your own thoughts can't be trusted, and just white-knuckle discipline until your healthy daily life becomes habit.

It is a million times easier on the other side. But it's impossible for you to 100% believe that right now, because there's a voice in your head silently chipping away at that resolve the second it pops into your head. Don't trust in your resolve--act--and build on your actions.