Brother: “Mom and Dad just want you to tell them that it’s over so that they can move on.” Husband: “I’m sorry that they’ve put you in the middle of their conflict with me. I’d like for us to keep our relationship protected, to the best of our shared ability, from my issues with our parents.”

Parents: “We just want you to tell us that it’s over so that we can move on.” Husband: “I understand that uncertainty is painful; it’s hard for me as well. All I can do is be authentic and true to my own experience, and my current experience is that I can’t participate in our relationship the way it has been; I’d like to work together to create a different kind of relationship; and I’m not yet in a place where I can make a final determination that it’s over (in part because that depends upon your actions, which are out of my control). However, if you find uncertainty to be intolerable, you’re always free to make your own decisions about the future of our relationship, and I’ll continue to do my best to respond to you in a way that’s healthy for me and for my family.”

Notice how fused and confused his parents’ boundaries are … The fact that they’re feeling something does not make it necessary for your husband to do something ….