I hate Orlando.

I hate their weather. It's hotter than Miami and the nearest beach is an hour away.

I hate their airport. I've never had to wait 3 hours for a domestic flight around a bunch of mouth-breathing hayseeds that fly once every 10 years.

I hate their traffic. Why should it take an hour to get to a shitty Chick-fil-A to grab a crap chicken sandwich? And don't tell me about your restaurant scene - they're all overrated and been going downhill for years.

I hate Disneyland and I hate adults that love Disneyland. I get it- you take it for granted and never go. If you had any ambition you'd create something else to draw other cornfed yokels to visit.

I hate their poor excuse for mass transit. SunRail sucks, it's full of meth-heads and runs up and down like the whole crappy place was a strip mall.

I hate their politics. I like my Floridians conservative and Jesus-loving. Read the room, dirtbags and learn how to fit in with the rest of the rubes in your bent chode of a state.

And I hate The Florida Project. I don't need some hideously beautiful fable of damaged people that had me bawling my eyes out with some fever-dream ending. Seriously - it's amazing. Don't ever watch it.

Rot in piss - Orlando! Go Red Bulls.