I agree with a few other posters on this thread that their relationship is their business. Concern is one thing, taking action is another. Not every concerning event warrants an action on our part, IMO.

I agree

*Sure. From what you've said, this partner's relationship with their partner sounds very inauthentic and manipulative. It's like a freight train coming a mile away and you know it's gonna connect at some point if you remain on that track.

But, again, not for you to do anything about or even offer advice unasked, IMO. I think you are hurt and feel unacknowledged by this partner, is that right?*

That’s part of it. But moreso, in a conversation with a mutual friend, my partner expressed that they dont want to stop talking about me and they love doing so. I think that’s what makes it different. I would say then the ultimatum that this person is setting for my partner is impeding on their actual nature

*Questions I would ask myself are: Why do I feel the need to be acknowledged by this partner in this specific way? Is there any other way in this relationship in which I don't feel acknowledged?

Another issue of extreme import as far as I can see is, why talk to this partner about their partner anyway? I am not saying you shouldn't talk about that, but I am questioning the need to.*

See i actually don’t care if my partner would go on dates with this person and didnt mention me. Its the fact this ultimatum was set and agreed to.

*b) Now, let's talk about what matters...which is you. You say these are red flags. What do you feel might happen? In very concrete terms...

If, as relationship anarchists, we feel each relationship in truly independent and we do not feel entitled to anything from partners, why should these red flags matter? It seems to me you're trying to preempt something you, yourself, may not be sure what is. The threat "affecting our relationship" sounds vague to me, to be frank.*

All in all besides me, like i said in the other post, this person is robbing my partner of their body autonomy through this ultimatums. Again, my partner believes they can ease them into RA but they don’t realize they’re being manipulated/chained down. That’s why I’m more worried for them and I just can’t stand by you know?

*Unless, of course, there are other issues in this relationships underneath these red flags. And the red flags are mere displaced frustrations.

It takes an enormous amount of self-awareness not to fall into codependent roles in spite of our conscious efforts, don't you agree? I hope you take this opportunity to gain as much self-awareness as you may need and take care of yourself first.*

Yes for sure. I’ve actually encouraged my partner to see other people because its healthy and they have been becoming too dependent on me. But this relationship they’re getting into is toxic in my eyes, in my friends eyes that know my partner and its not really something that you can just stand by. I feel like i need to create distance for my own safety if its going to be like this

I hope you can understand the nuance in my arguments and observations and thanks for your words!