Hi,

Thank you for responding. I haven't had anyone respond, I can't talk to my family about it, & I'm married to a wonderful guy on top of it all. I feel like such a terrible person. I feel you... I am currently seeking therapy for this issue because I suspect that maybe it's all in my head. Perhaps I romanticize things & let nostalgia consume me. The way our issue is different is that I have no issues letting go of someone who doesn't want me, but this person wants me. From the moment we met up until now, he's always wanted me. He fully accepted me, flaws & all, & was my best friend. He has this way of poking fun at my flaws & laughing about them that makes me not hate myself. I broke up with him because we were both young, dumb, & I thought maybe I could do better when he was acting jealous/immature. & now I'm married to this wonderful, responsible, sweet guy who has been there for me. I admire him & respect him & I have no logical reason to leave him. Yet, I feel sick because there is this thing missing now that I used to have... My husband rarely looks me in the eye when he talks to me anymore. He's gone back & forth about wanting kids with me. He struggles with anxiety & fantasies about suicide. Don't get me wrong, he is fun & caring & I am very lucky to have him. I guess sometimes I just miss that intense friendship that I had with my ex. I miss his spunk & the fact that we felt like twins sometimes. Sometimes I feel like it's a shame that we are not together, & he has already figured that out & is waiting for me to catch up. I guess I also feel like my current husband just deserves someone more like himself, too..