More from the insecure moron...

"At five years old, Raymond Tamler was sure he’d be a mountaineer when he grew up, and climbed on everything to the dismay of his big sister, Chennai. Without a real mountain to climb, Raymond drew them in crayon, looking like brown piles of poo with a circular sun with rays coming out of it, and green turds for trees at the bottom. Raymond depicted himself as something that looked a like a giant insect, clinging to the slope of the mountain. Sometimes he drew a flag at the top. At age six he changed his fantasy major from mountaineer to submariner a day after scaling the tall spiral staircase and summiting at what the older children called Level One. There was no snow at this summit, just miles of nylon carpeted hallways, rooms with chairs and tables, and glass-enclosed snack counters with the empty boxes of candy, coffee, milk, and rancid half-and-half. Raymond made his way to the enormous steel door, curving convexly, fit snug within its frame. He put his ear against the cold metal and heard distant pings, scratches and thuds. Chennai found him here after searching for three hours. Ray had brought paper and crayons back up with him and was rubbing a mess of blue across the bottom half of the paper. Inside the blue part was a gray crayon sausage with a box on top for the conning tower. Inside he’d drawn stick figures, one of which had long black crayon hair. “That’s you,” Ray said, pointing to it. “And what’s that?” Chennai said, pointing to a trapezoid on top of the sea with gray slinky spirals coming out of it and ascending diagonally to the sky. “That’s the destroyer,” Ray said, “it wants to sink us with depth charges, but it can’t.” Chennai pulled up her baby brother and shushed his protests, “come back tomorrow, Edmund Hillary, now it’s time for supper.” Raymond complained that he wasn’t Sir Hillary anymore. Now he was Captain Nemo."