I've been a bad student. I feel suicidal.

Dude, I totally hear you. Despite the potential boorishness, I feel compelled to share my own story. You may find it relatable, and may be able to skip a lot of pain that I experienced.

I think my department average when I left MST was 1.9-something. I think it was out of mercy that they let me graduate with such low credentials. I considered suicide, too. The first 2 years were turmoil. It wasn't that I couldn't find a professional job, but that I /knew/ that I wasn't worth the position. (Keep this bit in mind.) After being too ashamed to continue living with my parents, I had some gracious friends that called me their room mate, while I tried my best to consider my options, who I was, and what the heck could I even consider meaningful. Eventually, I moved away, got a job as a grocery clerk, and some new gears in my head started turning.

It didn't matter if I couldn't use my degree. There was still stuff that I could do. Whether to help me or others, I still could take what I believed was my only option, and do something with it.

The job sucked. Affording a place on $7.50/hour was astoundingly difficult. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, for a few weeks was a cylinder of malt mix and choclate milk. But I pushed hard. I made a lot of great, goofy friends, and in 5 months, I became a manager.

I kept pushing, ended up at a bank, and the CIO found out I had a degree and we shot the bull. He recommended I apply for a position, and I didn't get it.

I didn't get the next one either.

But I kept badgering him, and ended up becoming a business analyst. I said I knew that I wasn't worth a position, and back then, I probably wasn't. I hadn't developed grit, nor meaning behind my work. Status, when it comes to your pursuits, does not perpetuate your ambition. It comes from the meaning you derive from your actions. After I realized that I could still further civilization - even just a little - through kindness, hard work, or just helping, I made it my duty to use this body to do it.

Tl;dr: i'm so sorry. I feel you. It got better.

/r/Rolla Thread